Hello, hello! As I type this, I’m sitting in our camper wearing what is now the favorite thing I own…. compression socks!

We’ve left my partner’s reservation, one of the Six Nations (Haudenosaunee) territories, and are now surrounded by woods, dragonflies, and fern-covered grounds in the Catskill Mountains. It’s magical. The other day when I was down by the creek, several dragonflies— green, blue, and some black with white dots on their wings— sat on my head, belly, and legs.

However, if you didn’t already know, I’m also pregnant and in my third trimester, and these past few weeks, I’ve found myself hot, swollen, achy, and severely sleep-deprived.

Showing up to do anything but the bare minimum has been a challenge, to say the least. My consolation is that it’s not as bad as the first trimester with the nausea and fatigue. And I did have that nice little break in the second trimester which, unfortunately, went by as quickly as a vacation— I blinked and then it was over.

Anyhow, I can deal with the heat, aches, and swelling. I got my socks, the creek, and an amazing partner who gives me massages every day. But what makes everything so much harder is constantly feeling tired. And you know what that has reminded me of?

Yes… living in survival.

 

The exhaustion. Feeling completely drained. The inability to focus or care about anything but the bare essentials (if even). Check. Check. Check.

 

Every time I’ve mentioned this to my pregnant or mom-friends they’ve all nodded and agreed. There are so many similarities! The difference is that back then when I was living with stress and trauma, I was so confused as to why I was always so tired.

Is it my mind? My body? Do I not have enough motivation and inner strength to push through? There must be something wrong with me!

That’s how I was thinking back then before I started listening to my people’s old knowledge (Indigenous knowledge) and learned a whole lot more about myself and how we are as human beings. More on that in a little bit. First, let’s talk about how much it affects us.

We get so sucked into this hustle-push-through culture we live in that we forget how much it takes out of us when our bodies are going through something. Whether it’s a period, stress, unhealed trauma, sickness, or like in my case right now, pregnancy. And it’s like we forget that we’re human beings and not robots. We can’t just plug ourselves in, call it self-care, and get completely recharged. It doesn’t work like that. If something is going on then it’s going to affect us and everything else around us.

Just think about how are you towards your partner, kids, coworkers, and even strangers— or how you show up for your loved ones, your business, and yourself — when you’re feeling good and rested versus when you’re feeling frazzled, exhausted, and are just trying to get by each day.

Big difference, right?

It’s so important that you know and recognize when your body is going through something. Or else you might end up doing one (or both) of these things…

 

Either push with force (or with lots and lots of caffeine) and as a result, your body and health suffer. Or you start blaming yourself and feel guilty for not trying hard enough or, simply, not doing enough.

 

I’ve done them both. Mostly the latter. But nah-ah. Not this time.

Just as much as I know that the discomfort of sleeping with a big belly and getting up a zillion times in the middle of the night to pee is temporary, I know this tiredness I’m feeling is temporary too. I know my body is busy using all its energy to grow and take care of this precious little bebe and it’s not going to change until that cycle is finished.

No matter what it is that you’re going through right now — pregnancy, stress, trauma, an illness, your period — they are all cycles that are meant to be temporary.

In Mapuzungun (the Language of the Earth), we call them tun, experiences you go through as part of life. Your body is made and meant to finish them so that you can come back to balance.

So if you’re exhausted right now and can’t do as much as usual because your body is also going through something, remind yourself that it’s temporary. And if you’ve been stuck for a while, which happens to a lot of people in this culture when it comes to stress and trauma, remind yourself it’s not how it’s supposed to be. Also…

 

Don’t push too hard. Don’t feel guilty for not doing “enough.” Instead, remember that the cycle needs to finish so that your body can stop putting energy into it.

 

That’s how you get your energy back. (Or at least as much of it as possible if you’re a parent in this culture without kin and community support.) And don’t forget all the other things you get when your body can fully rest and recover: your ability to focus, to think clearly, and the excitement to create and do things for yourself and others.

Here’s an example. Last night I got five hours of uninterrupted sleep (instead of the usual hour and a half), and now I am here, writing this to you. It might seem small and insignificant, but I haven’t written a blog post since the last time I got restful sleep, months and months ago. I even showered this morning! Outside, next to a small pine, early, while the sun made its way up and through the trees.

But this was a rare exception. I know that for my body to truly get its energy back, I’ll have to wait for little one to be born. Then I’ll also have to let my body go through our traditional forty days of healing cycle. And I know, I know. I’ll be up, day and night, caring for a newborn. But my body will no longer go through the cycle of pregnancy, growing a human being, which takes a lot of energy.

And so does stress! Which is why, during this time, I’m also letting my body finish any stress I go through, or am exposed to (like I teach inside SLG), which has made a tremendous difference. I might be sleepy, clumsy, slow, and highly “unproductive” by Western standards. But I’m as calm as you can be. And I feel good. No anxiety. No depression. Which is more than enough for me.

So… how are YOU doing?

Is your body also going through something now or are you waking up like a spring chicken? In that case, I’m jealous but still want to hear from you! ; ) Let me know in the comments!

Pewkayal (until we meet again),
Mandy Kvyen