Crying as Medicine: Lessons From Indigenous Wisdom.

The other night I hit my breaking point.

T had been gone for a few hours, burying a poor mama bear who’d been hit by a driver speeding through the small mountain roads when she had tried to cross the street with her three cubs.

Coming home, the first thing he saw was me sitting on the edge of the bed in tears.

When you’re eight months pregnant and starving because you’ve spent the past ten days not being able to eat without your body immediately purging it out— it eventually gets to you.

At least it did for me.

(Add to that the news about the mama bear and her babies. 😭)

Here’s the back story: ten days earlier, T and I ate something that didn’t sit well with us. While it only took him a few days to get better, I was only getting worse. And even though my doctor hadn’t been concerned five days earlier, my pale face, dark circles under my eyes, fatigue, and weak body started to worry me and the impact it could have on baby boy.

I needed something. If even just answers.

“I think we need to go to the hospital,” I told him through tear-drenched sniffles.

So we went.

 

You know what’s funny, or ironic? Before I got sick (or was it during? I can’t remember), I’d started writing this essay about crying.

Maybe it’s just me but do you ever think about how negatively it’s seen in this society?

The reason why I’m bringing this up is because growing up in a pretty traditional Indigenous family, I learned that crying (much like laughter) is a medicine we carry inside us.

I was taught that it has a purpose. Therefore, I was never taught to stop it or think of it as anything but natural.

But when I asked this question on Instagram stories: How did you learn to think of crying growing up? 99% of the responses were completely different from my own experience.

Most people answered that they’d been taught it was a weakness and something to hold in, hide, and feel ashamed about.

Some said they were made fun of. 

Some were called a crybaby. Or chillona.

Some said they were spanked.

❤️‍🩹

If you think this is a bit sad but that it doesn’t really matter, I want you to pay extra attention while reading this.

Because the beliefs we grow up with as children often stick with us as adults, and they have consequences.

One person shared, “I’m 28 years old and will still do everything in my power not to cry whether alone or not.”

Here’s why it matters…

Through thousands of years of observation, Indigenous people have learned that life and its ability to grow and thrive depends on one thing: balance.

(This is why everything in the universe is part of a duality. The sun and the moon. Fire and water. Negative and positive. Masculine and feminine.)

Even though we might live very separate from the natural world in this society, think of all the things in life that can knock you off balance.

Getting sick, stress and pressure to balance work and personal life, grief, heartbreak, a fight, a disagreement, injustice, an accident… the list goes on.

But! Here are some good news.

As human beings, nature also gives us responses to help our bodies return to balance.

Can you guess one of them?

Yes, crying!

Think about those big “ugly cries” that make you feel exhausted, but also relieved. That happens for a reason!

So what do you think happens when you learn to stop this natural response? 

When you learn to hold in years of pain, heartbreak, grief, sadness, overwhelm, and stress?

It gets exhausting and overwhelming, right?

During the eight years that I lived with trauma, I held on so tight to everything I’d been through and was going through because I was terrified that something bad would happen if I “allowed” my body to let go.

As a result, it turned me into someone I couldn’t recognize. Someone who often came across as cold and easily irritated. Maybe even a bit edgy and aggressive at times 😬🙈

I’m not saying that’s the case for you, or any of the people who shared their experiences with me above… but… we have natural responses like crying (and many more) for a reason.

So that the moment something happens, we can let go, return to balance, and move on with our lives.

I promise you— nature didn’t make us faulty or broken.

We just happen to live in a society and culture that teaches us to question ourselves and who we are as nature.

Or make us feel weird for having responses that are such a big part of life. 

If you’re up for sharing, I would love to hear from you in the comments: How it was for you growing up? Did you learn to think of crying as negative? Was it encouraged?

Let’s chat. ❤️

Pewkayal, (until we meet again)
Mandy Kvyen

 

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P.S. If you want to learn more about your natural responses and how they can help change your life for the better…

Like it did for…

Asta- “It’s been a year now since I signed up and it has transformed everything! I feel so light and happy in my body, but also a feeling of trust that my body can get through anything. I just wanted to say thank you! This has really changed my future and life in so many ways and I feel that everything is possible.”

Or…

Julie- “Before, I didn’t know I was living with stress. All these physical symptoms were happening and I would just live with it. Turns out it was stress and anxiety and it took 31 years for me to be able to help myself. The amount of money that I’ve spent on therapy sessions that sometimes made it worse. And working with my family doctor who tested me but couldn’t figure out what it was. This program, in the one year that I’ve been practicing the tools that you’ve given me, the change that it’s made in my life, how much of the darkness it’s lifted off my shoulders– it’s priceless. I just wish I had it sooner.”

Don’t miss the chance to get inside SLG next week. It will be the last opportunity before I take a break to care for our newest family member ❤️

(Don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging! I will continue to be active inside the SLG school platform, there will just be a pause on letting new members inside.)

 

P.P.S. Baby and I are doing good now, finally! I don’t know if my body finished purging out the bad bacteria in my body or if it was the six hours of IV fluids in the hospital (no medications because none were considered pregnancy-safe)— but all is good now! 🥰